Those
words will haunt me the rest of my life. As my fiancé held
my hand my insides went numb. I seemed to have also lost my
hearing, because I could see the doctor talking but I
couldn’t hear her voice. When we walked out of the doctor’s
office we sat on a brick wall that lines the parking lot.
It was warm & breezy, my eyes were tearing yet I was feeling
nothing. He held me and said we’ll get through this. “We’ll”
I thought, he doesn’t have Cervical Cancer, I do.
That’s
when the pity party began. Why me, why always me? Let’s
just say I’ve been medically challenged throughout my life,
my GP always told me he had to pull the books out whenever I
got sick because it was never anything simple. But Cancer,
it’s such a scary word. Some people will not even say the
word itself, they refer to it as the “Big C”.
As
I lay in bed that night I had already given up. Ok God, you
want me, then take me, I’m not having surgery, what will be
will be. Then I woke up in the morning terrified. Was I
dreaming all this? I had just gotten two puggles, my
babies. A brother and sister I named Brewster & Maggie Mae,
they were 3 months old and needed me. I had wanted them for
so long and now this.
As
the days and weeks went by I wanted to absorb as much
information about Cervical Cancer as I could. The doctor had
also suggested removing my cervix as another option, but
then the concern of vaginal cancer would follow. Great! Keep
the cervix, have surgery and continue to be tested every
three months and let the cervix be a sponge for the cancer,
or have it removed and face another cancer that I couldn’t
really control. Yes, I said control! If the cancer keeps
attacking the cervix it can be removed and new cells will
replace it, hopefully healthy ones. If it is removed I face
a 50/50 chance of losing my sex drive. What? That made my
mind up really quick.
So,
back to the internet I went. As I went from site to site
there was information galore, but one site said one thing,
another site said another thing, and my doctor said yet a
third thing. This was not going to be an easy journey.
Sometimes too much is really too much. If you trust your
doctor, you need to let them guide you into the right
decisions for you as an individual.
I
trusted my doctor entirely. So, it was off to surgery.
Cancer out, cervix in! The first couple days after the
surgery are a little blurred, but trust me, take the pain
pills. So now I go every 3 months, that anticipation of
watching the calendar, having the pap screening done, and
then waiting. Tick Tock Tick Tock, those 3 months fly by,
but waiting for those results seems like a lifetime. For
now, my energy, will, determination & strength are focused
on this foundation by raising awareness of the importance of
pap screening; early detection and helping women and their
loved ones understand they are not alone. (1/8/08)
Greetings
– I would like to share with you some of the things that
have been going on in my life. All summer I have been on a
campaign throughout the suburbs of Chicago on Saturdays,
visiting different communities spreading the word of
Awareness for Cervical Cancer prevention, including
stressing to women the importance of their getting PAP & HPV
testing. I have met so many wonderful, funny, informative,
generous and caring people. I have been honored and humbled
to have heard stories from so many women about themselves,
and even from men, sharing their stories of loved ones.
I
have learned also that this is a controllable cancer. I
have learned since the onset of my diagnosis how common HPV
is. 80% of all women will get one or more types of genital
HPV at some point in their lives. I’ve also learned that
there is no shame in Cervical Cancer, and that there is no
reason to think I caused the condition. This was something
that I was dealing with when first diagnosed.
We
have also redesigned the website to make it more user
friendly and I am working on adding new updated information
about prevention and awareness. On a more personal note I
am happy to say that with the exception of some dysplasia
forming on my cervix, I have been Cancer free for a year. My
little ones, Maggie Mae & Brewster have grown into the most
adorable babies you’d ever seen. They are, in part, what
have kept me going. I have come to realize that creating
this foundation is my purpose in life. I am going to New
York in September to participate in a benefit walk for
Cervical Cancer, and am looking forward to meeting the
Founder of that Cervical Cancer foundation. In October I will
travel to Los Angeles for the NCCC HPV/Cervical Cancer
Conference. There I will be learning more about HPV,
Cervical Cancer awareness, and listening to some amazing
guests speak on these subjects.
For
now I am busy preparing for our upcoming Fundraiser being
held in November which is keeping me extremely busy. So as
I sign off for now, please remember to take the time and get
your testing done, both HPV & PAP. It is so
critical, especially HPV testing if you are over 30. Take
time to enjoy your life. We wake up and have routines. Try
shaking that up a bit; drive a different way to work
and actually enjoy the scenery, hug your friends, laugh – it
really is good medicine. Life is so very short, try not to
wake up with any regrets. I hope to see you at the
fundraiser; every person can make a difference. (8/8/08)
From
time to time I will be adding other thoughts, sharing
stories and helping in raising awareness. If you would like
to share a part of your experience, or express a thought, I
encourage you to do so. This will be our sounding board.
Just as important as Breast Cancer, Children’s diseases,
Colon cancer and a healthy heart, Cervical Cancer affects so
many of us. This is my cause, this is your cause. I am
making lavender the
new pink. |
